So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Panties = found
Randomize
