i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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