So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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