Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(732): View more from New Jersey

so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking

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(207): View more from Maine

I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?

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(952): View more from Minnesota

You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.

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(318): View more from Louisiana

I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.

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(562): View more from California

I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service

(562): View more from California

And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours

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(584): View more from

STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!

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(847): View more from Illinois

It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.

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