I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
