I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
