I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
