My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
