I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
