I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
