If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
