I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We had sex on a dog bed..
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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