Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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