im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
