You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
