Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
