Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
