im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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