I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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