I just made out with a guy for $7.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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