Jerry, you need to find god
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
