do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
