I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
