i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Randomize
