break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
