i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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