dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
try to milk me bitch
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