Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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