I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
