We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
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