I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
