Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
