Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
