wrigley field is MILF paradise
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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