Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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