Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
