when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
