btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
