Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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