He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
