I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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