No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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