i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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