pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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