dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
