In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
