White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
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