ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
