I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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