go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
