Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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