If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
